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Sunday, 7 July 2013

B*****!

From Virtue Online

"In a shocking end to a less than illustrious ecclesiastical career, U.S. Presiding Bishop Jefferts Schori has been deposed for denying that Episcopalians need personal salvation. That she spent tens of millions of dollars on property lawsuits did not help her case. Episcopalians were finally fed up.

Jefferts Schori, who seemed calm and composed during the announcement that she was being fired, angrily left 815 2nd Avenue, NY the church’s national headquarters in her limousine firing over her shoulder that the trouble with the church was its abject fundamentalists.

After being told she was out and that TEC’s CEO Bishop Stacy Sauls would temporarily step in till a new PB is elected, Jefferts Schori seemed resigned to her fate.

"She went quietly," her media spokesperson Neva Rae Fox said. "She muttered something like, I don't want to run a church filled with homophobes, anti-inclusivists, traditionalists, evangelicals, fundamentalists and those lacking in diversity. She also had some tough words about the Apostle Paul and demon possession, suggesting he might have had a bad cosmic dude floating around in him.”

Back at national headquarters, some of her colleagues expressed relief she was gone. They also hoped that she would get the necessary theological relief to recover her faith before she dies and faces the Last Judgment with nothing to show for her life, as she doesn’t believe in the salvation of nominal Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, homosexuals, lesbians and people into threesomes.

On hearing the news, former Archbishop Rowan Williams also expressed relief that she is gone saying that she had been a royal pain in the a** when he was ABC, but refused to be more specific as he was reading poetry to his wife as they punted down the Cam." 

END

When I hurriedly read this story on Virtue Online before leaving home this morning I could hardly believe my eyes. Why had there been no report elsewhere? In haste I shouted to my wife that Jefferts Schori had been deposed. As she rushed to share the good news, I noticed the sub-heading: "A satirical essay". 
Please pardon the expletive!

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