"Bless you June, thank you so much for booking your Clergy school in Spain. You've succeeded in diverting attention away from the shit storm in Monmouth that little bastard behind me has created and that I don't know how to resolve!"
"I've slipped a little note into your cassock pocket with a website address. While you're out there, I need you to make a discreet booking for Pamplona in July in the name of Richard Pain."
No matter what that dreadful Ancient Briton may say my dear this is not a Black Mass and this is not the Kiss of Death but we must make haste before daylight breaks.
"Welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry as our new mistress of Potions and Poisons, Professor Snipe. You should fit in very nicely here".
"C'mon June, this is ME, your old friend JOHN, remember? Remember? Davies. John DAVIES. You know, the one who royally screwed Jeffrey John for you.... YES, I knew you wouldn't have forgotten. Now then, how about seats on your private jet to Spain for me, the missus and the kids for...., say..., £50 a pop? Who's gonna know? Your lot still think their new Organ cost £1.6 million! Yeees, a right bunch of gullible mugs, they'll never imagine we'll screw them over too, a piece of cake I tell you!"
Oh June you are a clever girl, a pretty colourful tablecloth, love those colours and that microphone centrepiece... looks so much better than all that Christian symbolism nonsense...
Yes and if I get a buyer on e-bay for those funny bits of silver ..... we'll have enough to cover the drinks for our Spanish freebie...…. we really will be all-inclusive...geddit Big J ?
The microphone - placed prominently on the table - allows them to think people are listening to them when nobody is. Their every word must be captured and transmitted far and wide. Forgive me a quiet smile please. Lostwithiel
But the hierarchy don't like microphones attached to Dictaphones at Chapter meetings, redundancy meetings or Friends of Llandaff Cathedral AGMs as they have a tendency to lie through their teeth and the recordings come back to bite them in the delicates, e.g., when His --Darkness blabbed the truth that the Llandaff Organ appeal had lost £3/4 million!
"... oh, and while I'm here, do you have an agency phone number to hand John? I've gone and lost my second Secretary since I landed and I'm having trouble finding a replacement..."
Losing staff in Llandaff has become an all too frequent occurrence. Secretaries, a Dean, Head Virgers, Directors of Music, the Catholic curate Ceirion and yet another assistant Virger according to rumours heard outside the Spar.
"Bless you June, thank you so much for booking your Clergy school in Spain. You've succeeded in diverting attention away from the shit storm in Monmouth that little bastard behind me has created and that I don't know how to resolve!"
ReplyDeletePP "I shall say this only once...???"
ReplyDelete"Give her the clap she deserves".
ReplyDeleteAnd our next hymn is
ReplyDelete"Oh, this year I'm off to sunny Spain. Y Viva España
I'm taking the costa brava plane. Y Viva España"
You all know the tune......
"I've slipped a little note into your cassock pocket with a website address.
ReplyDeleteWhile you're out there, I need you to make a discreet booking for Pamplona in July in the name of Richard Pain."
https://www.mybucketlistevents.com/event/running-of-the-bulls/
Bishop- looking at watch (2nd on left): how long is this hug going to last?
ReplyDeleteHe's actually clapping
DeleteCymro
Oi.
ReplyDeletePut her down.
We know where she's been.
We fooled them didn't we? When we promised a new PAB they thought they'd get another Provincial Assistant Bishop not another Passive Aggressive Bully!
ReplyDeleteNo matter what that dreadful Ancient Briton may say my dear this is not a Black Mass and this is not the Kiss of Death but we must make haste before daylight breaks.
ReplyDeleteHasta la vista baby!
ReplyDeleteLast Tango in Llandaff is applauded by the judges on Strictly Come Bishoping?
ReplyDeleteSod the Parish shares and the subversive whingers, how dare they complain to Martin Shipton. I'm off to Compostela come what may!
ReplyDeleteBishops respond to announcement that Ancient Briton is to be excommunicated.
ReplyDeletePartners in delusion.
ReplyDeleteStoppit
"Welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry as our new mistress of Potions and Poisons, Professor Snipe. You should fit in very nicely here".
ReplyDelete"C'mon June, this is ME, your old friend JOHN, remember? Remember? Davies. John DAVIES. You know, the one who royally screwed Jeffrey John for you.... YES, I knew you wouldn't have forgotten. Now then, how about seats on your private jet to Spain for me, the missus and the kids for...., say..., £50 a pop? Who's gonna know? Your lot still think their new Organ cost £1.6 million! Yeees, a right bunch of gullible mugs, they'll never imagine we'll screw them over too, a piece of cake I tell you!"
ReplyDeleteOh June you are a clever girl, a pretty colourful tablecloth, love those colours and that microphone centrepiece... looks so much better than all that Christian symbolism nonsense...
ReplyDeleteYes and if I get a buyer on e-bay for those funny bits of silver ..... we'll have enough to cover the drinks for our Spanish freebie...…. we really will be all-inclusive...geddit Big J ?
By the way.... did the silve
The microphone - placed prominently on the table - allows them to think people are listening to them when nobody is. Their every word must be captured and transmitted far and wide. Forgive me a quiet smile please.
ReplyDeleteLostwithiel
I can agree with you up to a point Lostwithiel.
DeleteBut the hierarchy don't like microphones attached to Dictaphones at Chapter meetings, redundancy meetings or Friends of Llandaff Cathedral AGMs as they have a tendency to lie through their teeth and the recordings come back to bite them in the delicates, e.g., when His --Darkness blabbed the truth that the Llandaff Organ appeal had lost £3/4 million!
New 'Strictly Come Dancing' line-up announced. Confusion exists over who should be leading!
ReplyDeleteLukas
"... oh, and while I'm here, do you have an agency phone number to hand John? I've gone and lost my second Secretary since I landed and I'm having trouble finding a replacement..."
ReplyDeleteLosing staff in Llandaff has become an all too frequent occurrence.
DeleteSecretaries, a Dean, Head Virgers, Directors of Music, the Catholic curate Ceirion and yet another assistant Virger according to rumours heard outside the Spar.
"You're still getting away with £35k a year from Bazza's slush money? Bravo June, bravo!"
ReplyDelete"Let us know how getting rid of your Cathedral Chapter works out for you..."
ReplyDelete'Yes, please do come to Santiago John, there are plenty of places on the plane and it won't cost you a penny'
ReplyDeleteStoppit