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| Source: Facebook |
In a previous entry I included a Facebook link to photographic coverage of a 'Grill the bishops' vocations event held in the Llandaff diocese of the Church in Wales.
I doubt that you will see the above photo in the Caption competition of the diocese's Croeso publication so readers may wish to add a caption.
Printable captions will be published here.
"Just bring the whole bottle, I think I am going to need it."
ReplyDeleteWhat's Gladys Pugh's brother (Hi de Hi) doing stealing my mike?
ReplyDeleteI think that's enough Richard
ReplyDeleteFlinty and fruity with robust notes of lingering humbug.
ReplyDeleteCor Hominum
"And now the end is near, and so I face the final curtain!"
ReplyDeleteAs Bishop Richard notices that his glass is now only half full he ponders on the likelihood of someone refilling it so he might remain full of the spririt
ReplyDeleteWho's eaten all the pies?
ReplyDeleteIt’s good night from me, and good night from him!
ReplyDeleteA wishy washy, dilute little number, lacking depth, gravitas and devoid of character. The wine’s also bloody awful!
ReplyDelete"The Church in Wales is rather like this wine glass - modern, lightweight and mostly empty"
ReplyDeletePostie
'Any questions for the little lady?'
ReplyDelete'Have you heard the one about the actor and the bishop?'
ReplyDeleteDon't look at me like that June, I know we spent all that money on our jolly to Rome and Callahan Square but surely we afford some more wine!
ReplyDelete"We sincerely believe that use of this innovative, progressive, non-gender oppressive and LGBTQQICAPF2K+ inclusive chalice will be widely welcomed......... particularly once the exciting new prosecco-based communion wine diktat is implemented."
ReplyDelete(With apologies to Morticia Addams).
ReplyDeleteDick: "You have gone too far. You have defended the Capon, you have maligned the Davids, you have alienated their wives, you have destroyed the Spirit, you have taken him from us. All that I could forgive,...but June..."
June: "What?"
Dick: [glancing at the couture] "Pastels?"
You really must invite captions more often A.B. These posts are brilliantly incisive and perceptive and get to the heart of the dilemma of the CiW in these desolate days. Less is certainly More.
ReplyDelete"And now for something completely different."
ReplyDelete"Right June, you've met my Vintner, next my Tailor and then my Barber"
ReplyDelete"Have you heard the one about Bonaparte and the missing £735,000?"
ReplyDeleteI used to be a Ventriloquist but since I found God my act has improved. I don't need to sit the little bastard on my knee or hold the microphone for myself anymore!!
ReplyDelete"Have you heard the one about the verger and the curate? Verging on the ridiculous more like! Boom boom!"
ReplyDelete"SHOW ME THE WAY TO GO HOME,
ReplyDeleteI'M TIRED AND I WANNA GO TO BED,
I HAD A LITTLE DRINK ABOUT AN HOUR AGO
AND IT'S GONE RIGHT TO MY HEAD!"
(With apologies to Mrs Merton)
ReplyDelete".... but what first, June, attracted you to the millionaire Paul Goulding?"
Can you believe it? The little woman's just told me that I'm embarrassing her. She says I'm making an idiot of myself again; that I'm drunk and slurring my words; that it's time to go home; and, no, I can't have another one.
ReplyDeleteTwo Bishops walk into a Pub for a glass of wine and a chat.
ReplyDeleteAs they approach the bar to be served they see the Barman surrounded by 16 or 17 people all shouting and cheering.
They elbow their way to the front to place their order to see a large fish tank containing a single Goldfish atop the bar and a rather smug looking barman dropping some bits of fish food into the tank saying “Well done Clarence, well done”.
Deciding to demonstrate who’s the boss and distribute her usual largesse, “Two large glasses of your very best Rioja please barman and whatever you’d like for yourself” says Caiaphas rather plummily.
“Don’t you want to see the Goldfish perform first?” ask the barman, “that’s why everyone else is here tonight!”.
“Your Goldfish perform? What can he do?” asks Caiaphas.
“Acrobatics” answers the barman, “a large variety of acrobatics”.
“Rubbish” says Caiaphas the unbeliever, “I don’t believe you. Show me!”.
“What would you have Clarence do for you?” says the barman, “you choose”.
“Oi Dick”, says Caiaphas with a sharp elbow added for good measure, “what shall we have the goldfish do for us?”
“I know” says tricky Dicky with a sly look on his face, “what about a triple back somersault with a double twist thrown in for good measure?”
“Great” says Caiaphas “that’s a good one. Barkeep, you heard the midget. A triple back somersault with a double twist!”.
“Okay” says the barman, “just give me a couple of extra minutes. Clarence hasn’t done a triple somersault before so I need to explain it to him and make sure he understands it.”
So the barman rests his elbows on the bar, stares at Clarence hard and touches his temples with the forefingers of each hand. After two minutes, the barman stands up and says “That’s it, he’s got it, he’s ready when you are”.
“Just get on with it” says Caiaphas impatiently.
“Very well, madam” and the barman rests his elbows on the bar once more, stares at Clarence and snaps his fingers very loudly.
Clarence swims around the tank gathering pace, darts for the surface, breaches, flies into the air, somersaults backwards three times while twisting twice before landing in the water face first with a perfect re-entry leaving a few gentle ripples on the surface of the water.
A huge roar and round of applause goes up from everyone else in the pub.
Eventually the applause subsides.
“How does that work?” asks Caiaphas, astonished.
“Well madam,” says the barman, “it is merely my mind imposing itself over his mind. I tell him telepathically what to do, imagine it in my mind and a couple of seconds later, on my signal, he does it”.
“I don’t believe you, that’s preposterous” says Caiaphas the unbeliever.
“Have a go yourself if you don’t believe me” says the barman “he’s very flexible about who he works with”.
“Damn you, I will” says Caiaphas “but what shall I get him to do?”
“Anything you like” says the barman “then you’ll know I’ve been telling you the truth all along. You choose, but since it’s your first attempt at working with Clarence I suggest you keep it simple. Just remember, it is merely your mind over his, but you will need to concentrate”
So Caiaphas approached the bar, rests her elbows on the bar top, stares at Clarence very hard and touches her temples with the forefingers of each hand.
The bar goes silent, everyone watches very closely.
Forty five seconds later, Caiaphas starts opening and closing her mouth quietly...........
Captain Nemo would deserve it.
DeleteTell us you didn't laugh ��
Does Nemo win an entry in the Guinness Book of Records for the longest caption ever?
ReplyDelete"Who ate all the Welsh cakes?"
ReplyDeleteNow that's a caption!
Fancy a diocese swop? I have a smaller Cathedral, former pub, dying anglo catholic presence and near the CofE escape route , the border.PP.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm? The more I look at him the more I wonder could this just be that damned elusive Ancient Briton ???
ReplyDeleteAny traditionalists amongst the ordinands in June can come to me for a PROPER ordination . . .
ReplyDeleteEvangelical Ed
You're wasting your time Ed.
DeleteThere are no traditionalists left!
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ReplyDeleteThat is some feat of ministry with all your treatments. I can imagine what you must be going through, having had the dreaded "C" twice. The Church is lucky to still have you ministering let alone criticizing your availability. Any AD of any note would greatly empathize. I will and I am sure others herein will pray for you and this meeting PP.
DeleteThank you bro or sis. That means a great deal.
DeleteDear David
DeleteYou are clearly not well at all to be posting this kind of entry on a blog (social media)site. I suspect you have pre-empted the meeting on Tuesday with what appears to be a really unwise entry. That said, I am sure that I and others will pray for your well-being and return to good physical and mental well-being. I do worry for you but I suspect you have crossed a boundary here. Do yourself a kindness and find a good spiritual director to discuss your disagreement with the church in which you find yourself an ordained priest; that would surely be of more help to you than your all too public catharsis on here. I says this as one who knows you.
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